Monthly Archives: October 2014

CHANGE

One key to understanding the uniqueness of grief for teens are the many changes they are going through just being an adolescent. Their bodies are changing radically physically, emotionally and sexually. For some it is hard for their wardrobes to keep up. While their bodies ache from the physical changes and the heart aches from loss, life can be overwhelming.

                Teens need adults who are willing to come alongside them, spend time with them, listen to them, and then listen some more.

                Teens need adults who are willing to come alongside them, spend time with them, listen to them, and then listen some more.

What they are feeling is normal during grief:

  • It is normal to be forgetful, the mind so busy it can’t be slowed down.
  • It is normal to feel constantly exhausted even with hours of sleep.
  • It is normal to feel confused and lost in familiar places.

It is important that they know it is normal. For them these feelings may seem to last forever, but again, they need to be reminded – it is temporary.  Just like growing pains, the grief will subside. They will heal.

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????Creating a journal in which they can express their thoughts and feelings can be very helpful. Use an inexpensive composition book and encourage them to cover it with their own drawings or pictures, phrases, and words cut from magazines that remind them of their loved ones.

This journal becomes a place to write their thoughts, poems, stories, and pictures of what they were feeling at a given time during their grief journeys. The outside of the journal represents not only how unique their loved ones were but also their own uniqueness. It is good for them to go back to these journals and see their progress over time. It is healing to see in their own words how far they have come, that feelings are temporary and one thing constant is change.

Too Dark Too Long

“The tunnel feels too dark and goes on forever” If the sadness is deep for a long time, meaning several months, please encourage them to speak to a trained counselor. Depression locks teens into believing their emotional pain is a permanent state with no way out. They need help escaping this trap. Chronic depression can lead to suicidal thoughts, which need to be addressed immediately. Trained counselors can help themlight-end-tunnel-18817673[1] refocus and lift them from this darkness.

Suicide warning signs:

  • mood swings or sudden personality changes, such as going from outgoing to withdrawn or well-behaved to rebellious.
  • lose interest in day-to-day activities,
  • neglect his or her appearance
  • show big changes in eating or sleeping habits

If you notice any of these signs take it seriously. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Seek our help for them. Find the suicide hotline number for your area, contact Second Wind Fund for counseling assistance. http://www.thesecondwindfund.org

“I was emotionless and blank. I would just go back to my barracks room and sit in the dark and just listen to music or play video games ‘cause I could let out some of the suppressed emotions. It took a long time to talk to anybody about it. The only person I can remember talking to was my fiancé. Having someone to talk to about it helped.” Brian, age 16

Death leaves a hole, a huge gaping hole, in the teen’s life. They are reminded of that hole at every turn: the empty chair at the table, the undisturbed bed, the unoccupied desk or locker with memorials all around them. Our culture tells us to replace the loss, remove the chair, and fill the hole. God says to weep with those who weep, “mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15b).

You, their helpers, give them the courage to embrace the loss and walk through the grief, not run away from or bury it. As helpers you walk with them through the dark places and help them to identify if those places get too dark or last too long and professional help is needed.

TIME!!

Another key to understanding the uniqueness of grief in youth are the many physical changes they are going through just being teens. Their bodies are changing radically. For some it is hard for their wardrobes to keep up. When their bodies ache from the physical changes and the heart aches from loss, life can be overwhelming. They may already be moody and grief intensifies that.

They need adults who are willing:coffee 1

  • to come alongside them,
  • spend time with them,
  • listen to them, and listen some more
  • assure them that they are feeling is normal
  •  It is important for them to know they have support and what they are experiencing is normal. For them these feelings may seem to last forever, but being reminded that it is temporary is important.  Just like growing pains, the grief will subside. They will heal. This is temporary, long and drawn our but temporary none the less.

        “Even though I wrote quite a bit in my journal I wish I had written more. I’m having hard days      helps to read my words and see how far I’ve come since that day” Katie age 15

Making journals is a good hands on expression of their grief, honoring the loved one they lost. Use an inexpensive composition book and cover it with a collage with their own drawings or pictures, phrases, and words cut from magazines that remind them of their loved ones.

This journal becomes a safe place to write their thoughts, poems, stories, and draw pictures of what they are feeling at a given time during their grief journeys. Then they can go back to these journals and see their progress over time. The outside of the journal represents not only how unique their loved ones were but also their own uniqueness.

Excerpt from Tattooed By Grief by Cari Zorno